saturday it was cold. mom and maddy and i went to bangor. it was cold. i needed gas. so i pulled into the full service place. as he was pumping, i was gabbing on the phone. a girl from all the way across the pumps got out of her car to come over to me, knock on my window, and tell me i shouldn't be talking on a cell phone near a gas pump because it could spark and burn me all up. she had a syrup-y sweet southern accent.

yesterday, i went to steaks n' stuff to get chicken florentine fixins'. a bottle of white wine was required. at the register, the girl said "are you over 21?" and i just laughed and stood there. then i realized she wasn't ringing my bottle of wine in! so i said...'you're serious?' and she said yes. so as i was pawing through my bag i said 'listen, i went to school with that girl right over there! suzie's my cousin! they can vouch for me!" but i found my i.d.